BY 鸑岚朠 YUÈ LÁNYĪNG PHOENIX MOONMIST
Known as the “Soul of China” (民族魂), writer Lǔ Xùn (鲁迅) birthed one of China’s first modern short stories,《狂人日记》“A Madman’s Diary” in 1918. This became a cornerstone of the New Culture Movement, which advocated for equality and individual freedom following the collapse of the last imperial dynasty. Lǔ Xùn’s story was inspired by Nikolai Gogol’s eponymous short story, written 83 years earlier in 1835. Gogol’s text tells the story of a minor civil servant in 19th century Russia, Poprishchin, who slowly descends into insanity. Now, 106 years later, I felt inspired to take up the torch by writing my own parody of “A Madman’s Diary,” in pursuit of furthering human rights.
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某淑女，今隐其名，昔日在大学时良友；分隔多年，消息渐阙。日前偶闻突然失踪；本想送张圣诞贺卡，可是换新手机没留存通讯录。询其家人，竟一无所知；她莫名其妙一夜烟消云散，手机关闭，空屋里只留下一满架数学教科书。消失已经一年半。疫情前，她爱写博客，但我事务繁忙从未读过。我想长久才记起博客链接，居然可以打开，颇有可观。因为使用化名隐藏身份。
Once there was a lady, name withheld, with whom I was good college friends. We had not talked for many years and gradually lost contact. A few days ago, by chance, I heard she had suddenly disappeared. I wanted to send her a Christmas card, but I got a new cell phone and lost her contact information, so I asked her family. Surprisingly, they knew nothing. One night, she vanished like smoke. Her phone was shut off. The only thing that remained in the empty room was a shelf full of mathematics textbooks. She had been missing for a year and a half. Before the pandemic, she loved to blog, but I was too busy and never read it. I had to think for a long time before I remembered the blog link. Astonishingly, it actually opened. I recalled she used a pseudonym, Lǔ Xùn, to hide her identity. In order to maintain privacy, I removed names, dates, and locations.
Lǔ Xùn’s Blog
一
开车开了总共十七个小时，我终于到了地点。第一位迎接我的是一只橘黄松鼠，像唐纳德·特朗普，染头金皇，喷涂棕褐假皮。进入公寓，觉得不划算，房租高于住在X州、X州或X州，可是屋子比以前的小。租金低一点的公寓不准租给我，理由是我的年薪超于X美金。我以为我听错了，哪儿有赚钱太多不让租的道理。
One
After driving a total of 17 hours, I finally arrived. The first to welcome me was an orange squirrel, resembling Donald Trump’s dyed blond hair and fake spray-on tan. Upon entering the apartment, I immediately felt I had overpaid. The rent was higher than when I lived in X, X, or X, but with a smaller space. They refused to rent me cheaper apartments, saying my annual salary exceeds $X. I thought I had misheard. Since when was making too much money a reason not to rent someone an apartment?
二
第一天去上班，进不去大门。虽然有钥匙卡，但门仍然锁闭，只能干等，跟同事进出。公司也没给我安排一个位子坐，老板让我坐在别人的办公室里，也没有电脑。我只能用自己私人笔记本电脑，使用VPN才能勉强办公。可是我的电脑无法连接办公室的打印机，所以不能打印出我需要的文件。
Two
On my first day of work, I couldn’t enter the building. Even with a keycard, the door remained firmly locked. I was stuck waiting. I had to follow coworkers coming in and out. I didn’t have a designated desk. My manager placed me in someone else’s office, without a computer. I had to use my own personal laptop, and barely managed to get some work done using a VPN. However, my laptop couldn’t connect to the office printers, so I couldn’t print the documents I needed.
三
同事问我怎么突然今天坐在他的拐角边。过了五十三天才给我安排固定办公位置和电脑。我就诉苦说两个星期后钥匙卡才管用，过了差不多两个月才有电脑。他大吃一惊说他的经历完全不同。这位同事跟我一起开始；第一天就有办公室和电脑甚至还发笔记本电脑可以随意在家里办公。当然我们受到不同的待遇，他是白人男士。
Three
Today, a coworker asked me why I was suddenly sitting near his corner. Only after 53 days did they give me a designated desk and computer, so I told him it took two weeks for my keycard to work and almost two months to receive a computer. His mouth dropped open in astonishment. His experience was entirely different. We started at the same time, but on his first day, he had an office, a computer and even a laptop to work from home anytime. Of course we were treated differently – he’s a white man.
四
有时候女同事会匆匆忙忙地往家里跑说要回去给老公做饭。她老公又没生病又不残废，饿不死。我建议她去看《芭比》（Barbie）电影。她说特别想看可是老公没有兴趣，所以不能去看。我觉得我简直就是进入了《继福妻子》（The Stepford Wives）电影里。
Four
One woman in the office sometimes rushes home to cook for her husband. He’s neither ill nor handicapped. He certainly won’t starve to death. I recommended the “Barbie” movie to her. She wants to watch it, but her husband doesn’t, so she can’t. It’s like I’ve stepped into a scene from “The Stepford Wives.”
五
女同事发现我是单身，立刻开始帮我找对象。我没有托付她帮我，也不要她帮我。她一天到晚问我喜欢什么样的男人，我感到很烦。
“你一定要比你赚钱多的，对吧？”
“钱我不在意，我要比我聪明的。”
“你终于肯说出条件了。”
“他必须是女权主义者。我们的关系必须平等。”
“噢，我认识一位很好的男生，从来没有打过女人，一次都没有。”
Five
When my coworker discovered that I was single, she decided to be my matchmaker, even though I never asked. She asked me all day about what type of man I like. It’s so annoying.
“He must make more money than you, right?”
“That doesn’t matter to me. He must be smarter than me.”
“Finally! You’re willing to tell me what you like.”
“He must be a feminist. I want an equal relationship.”
“Oh! I know a very nice man. He’s never hit a woman, not even once.”
六
快下班时，同事问有没有人想跟他一起去唱卡拉OK。我犹豫了一下因为我的作业还没做完；我也没有告诉任何人晚上在上课。我想就去一会儿，露个面就走。女同事也照样犹豫着，她说怕老公会不高兴。
我以为会有包间，实际上是酒吧。酒吧前面有两个麦克风，一位女士正在唱歌，一位男士为她伴唱。音乐好像是加勒比节奏，一听就想跳舞。每面墙上都有屏幕显示歌词，每面墙上也有电视机和国旗，就没有一个安宁的地方落眼。一台电视播放天气预报，另一台播放政治新闻。电视没有声音，只有字幕。要是在这儿待着太久我怕会头晕。我唱歌也不怎么样，本来想唱一首歌就走。可是在酒吧前唱歌，我害羞。我说今天只听不唱，下一次来再唱。
我听同事们聊天。女士们在聊教育孩子的事情。
“最好还是在家里教育，不要送去公立学校。学校一点都不管品德，让孩子胡乱看书像《性别酷儿》（Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe）。”
我读过那本书，觉得不错，写的是玛雅·科巴贝的回忆录。我觉得孩子们应该去读一读。
“但是这本书也可以在公共图书馆借到。”
“他们在X公共图书馆干得漂亮！如果图书馆继续向孩子们推销这些书，家长们就会喧闹关闭图书馆。”
我在报纸上看过，X公共图书馆真的关闭了好几个月。我附近的图书馆也关闭了好长时间，说是发生了意外，着火了。我开始怀疑……
“学校课本也有问题。历史书里写得不就是来侮辱我们吗。孩子们会感到羞耻并失去自信。”
她们说的是要从美国历史教科书中删除奴隶制。我觉得美国应该向德国学一学，德国并不否认他们的纳粹历史而教导孩子们不要重复过去的错误。
“进化论就是错的。圣经上写得明明确确，神创造了人。”
我估计这些人不信任科学也没接种疫苗。
“在家上学就可以教导孩子爱上帝、爱国家、孝顺父母。”
除了爱上帝以外我听怎么跟孔子说的是一套话。我听不下去了。
男士们在聊枪展。
“我最近去的枪展好红火了！有许多支持特朗普总统的好汉，出售特朗普总统体恤、帽子、旗子，什么都有。”
我不明白一个人要买这么多枪干什么，也不敢问。他们像十字军，正在准备打仗。 “你要是有心，想为共和党做小官，教会将提供财政支持。”
“教会始终保护生命，反堕胎。”
我听着心里难过。
电视上的天气预报： “明天会下大雨，后天会结冰。星期天早上去教堂要小心！”
我把注意力转移到歌词上，那活泼欢快的加勒比音乐其实唱的是要“爱耶稣”。所选的许多歌曲都是情歌，歌词里也有宗教含义。每一首歌都有“爱”和“神”这两个字。我仔细听歌词，才从歌缝里听出字来，每首都有两个字是“嫁人”！
歌中含着这许多字，同事们聊天说了许多话，都笑吟吟的睁着怪眼看我。
“你在发什么呆呢？我想给你介绍一个人，可以现在把他叫过来。你看怎么样?”
我趁着她没有注意的时候就溜了。我怕会被活吞了！
Six
Just before getting off work, a coworker invited everyone to karaoke. I hesitated, because I hadn’t finished my homework. I hadn’t told anyone I was taking evening classes. Maybe I can pop in and pop out. My matchmaker also hesitated, afraid her husband would be angry.
Assuming my coworkers would rent a karaoke room, I was surprised to find a bar with two microphones in front. A woman was singing while a man accompanied her to a vibrant Caribbean beat which made me want to jump up and dance. Every wall displayed the lyrics, and was also covered with the national flag and TV screens. There wasn’t a single peaceful place to rest my eyes. One TV broadcasted the weather, another broadcasted political news on mute with subtitles. If I stay here too long, I’ll get dizzy. I’m not a good singer, assuming I would be in a private room, I was going to sing at most one song. But I was definitely too shy to sing in front of strangers at a bar! I told my coworkers I’d just listen today and sing another time.
I listened to them chatting. The women were discussing parenting.
“It’s best to homeschool. Don’t send your kids to public school. They don’t care about morals and let children read books like ‘Gender Queer.’”
I’d read “Gender Queer” by Maia Kobabe and found it worthwhile. I think children should read it.
“However, that book is still available at the public library.”
“They did a great job at X Public Library! When the library tried to push these books on the kids, the parents protested to shut the library down.”
I read about what happened at X Public Library in the news, it shut down for months. The library close to me too. They said it was due to a fire, but now, I’m beginning to suspect…
“The textbooks are also problematic. The history books were written to disgrace us. The children will feel ashamed and lose confidence.”
They are talking about censoring slavery from the United States history textbooks. I think the US can learn from Germany, who don’t deny their Nazi past and teach children not to repeat past mistakes.
“Evolution is wrong. It is clearly written in the Bible that God created man.”
These people probably don’t believe in science and haven’t been vaccinated.
“Homeschooling will ensure proper education of children to love God, love our nation, and obey their parents.”
Other than loving God, this sounded exactly like Confucianism. So, I didn’t want to listen anymore.
Meanwhile, the men were talking about a gun show.
“The last gun show I went to was so inspiring! There were so many President Trump patriots, selling Trump shirts, hats, flags, everything!”
I don’t understand why anyone needs so many guns, and I’m afraid to ask. It’s like they’re in the Holy Crusades, preparing for battle.
“If you’re serious about serving the Republican Party, and want to run for public office, the church will provide financial support.”
“The church will always protect life and be against abortion.”
I was deeply distraught.
The weather report stated: “It will rain tomorrow and freeze overnight. Be careful going to church in the morning!”
I turned my attention back to the lively Caribbean beat, and realized she was singing about “loving Jesus”. Most of the songs were love songs with religious undertones. Every song had the two words, “Love” and “God”. I listened carefully to the lyrics, and started hearing words in between the silent spaces of the melody. Every song had the two words, “Marry him!”
The words in the lyrics, along with my coworker’s conversations …
Everyone stared at me strangely – smiling.
“Snap out of it! I want to introduce you to someone, right now. What do you think?”
I slipped out when she wasn’t paying attention. I’m afraid I’ll be swallowed alive!
Photo credit: 鸑岚朠 Yuè LánYīng Phoenix MoonMist
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About the author
鸑岚朠 Yuè LánYīng Phoenix MoonMist was born in China but has been living in the USA since they were six years old. They never enjoyed rote memorizing Chinese characters, and in fact, dropped out of Chinese school. During the pandemic, Phoenix worked on improving their Mandarin by reading manhua, Chinese comics, and watching donghua, Chinese animation. This led to reading progressively more complex work, such as the short stories of Lǔ Xùn.
About the editor
Daisy Singh Greaves is a British writer and copyeditor for NüStories who also helps coordinate the NüVoices London Chapter. With a keen interest in East Asian politics, gender issues, and the environment, she has written for various media outlets. Currently, Daisy supports communications at UNESCO, enhancing visibility of key collaborative initiatives and fostering outreach for future partnerships. She previously lead the communications for a UNESCO environment initiative. Daisy holds a BA in Chinese and English from SOAS, University of London, and an MSc in International Relations from the University of Edinburgh, where she focused her thesis on generational foreign policy attitudes in Taiwan. While studying for a year at Beijing Normal University, she volunteered with the Starfish Project, a charity supporting and rehabilitating trafficked women in East Asia. Since then, she has been passionate about elevating the voices of women and marginalized groups through grassroots journalism and storytelling.